Ideal
by spero spiro
Summary: Ed doesn’t believe in God, but he believes in something even stronger worth fighting and dying for. Manga-verse. Spoilers for chapter 76 forward.


**Ideal**

**Note: This is my first venture into the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom, and I have mixed feelings about it. I am completely unfamiliar with the anime-verse, having only had access to the manga, so anything I write will be purely based in the universe of the manga. While reading the manga, this particular song came up and it had a strong resonance with Ed's character, so this was born. The actual plot itself morphed from an overlook at Ed's relationship with the people in his hometown, to the people of the world, to… well, this. Somehow, I think the original intent was communicated, but if it doesn't make sense the song lyrics may be able to clarify where my head was when I was trying to write this.**

**Description: Ed doesn't believe in God, but he believes in something even stronger worth fighting and dying for. Manga-verse. Spoilers for chapter 76 forward. **

**Disclaimer: I'm not cool enough to have come up with Fullmetal Alchemist, just these random drabbles. Therefore, I don't claim rights to anything FMA related, it is the property of a whole, whole lot of people, especially Arakawa Hiromu. **

"_The people I've met are the wonders of my world."—Adele, "Hometown Glory"_

He didn't notice the pain at first, mistaking the metal rod planted in his left side for the pressure of the fallen tower around him. When he tries to rise, tries to continue this righteous battle, it's not quite as bad as simultaneously losing his arm and leg, but the pain is strong enough to shoot through his system like lightning and bring him down. He wonders how he's supposed to keep going, to restore Al and save the world, when he can't even save himself.

The pain is bad enough to make him want to scream, but he doesn't have the energy left to do more than cringe in pain, a few stray tears sliding down his face. His eyes slide shut as he gasps for life in the shallow breaths he manages, knowing he is going to die all alone in this place without fulfilling even one of a myriad of promises he made in confidence that nothing—_nothing_—could take him down as long as he had intelligence and idealism to guide him.

And even as pain explodes like fireworks behind his eyelids, Ed sees Al's emaciated body at the gate, reaching out for an iron-clad soul wandering in the northern wilderness. He sees Winry's frightened face and his mind wanders to Pinako, Uncle and Auntie Rockbell, his mother, Hohenheim… And Hohenheim's face brings him to Father, Lust, Gluttony, Wrath, Envy, Greed… which leads him straight to Ling, Ran Fan, and countless others he couldn't save, and the pain of _that_ weighs in his chest, where it twists unpleasantly and temporarily pains him more than the weight in his gut.

When the pain in his side returns to the forefront of his mind, Ed curls up slowly, wishing it would just _end_, because that would be easier than this awful life he's had to live. Just as his hope seeps into the cold ground with his blood, he inexplicably is returned to the warmth of the sun in Risembool, running and laughing with Al and Winry, Pinako watching and laughing with Winry's parents. He feels the cold rush of air as the gate opens before him, and Ed hears the gatekeeper laughing at his pathetic foolishness.

"Your world is pathetic." He laughs, and Ed feels the warm stirrings of indignant rage in his chest, loosening the knots of guilt that are building there.

"No…" He gasps, finding his breaths even more laborious than before.

"Come, Edward Elric," The gatekeeper summons, and in his painful fever dream Ed wonders what he is willing to sacrifice this time for the sake of his second impossible survival.

Only as he pulls away from the gate in defiance does he realize what he is not willing to sacrifice for the sake of his death and his mind floods with the people he has vowed to save, promises strong enough to drag his bloodied carcass from the jaws of death; humanity's unyielding, limitless will strong enough to anchor him to the _pathetic_ world strong enough to contain it.

When he wakes up, warm and bandaged in an unfamiliar doctor's treatment room, Ed recalls Scar's devout faith in his God and wonders if the people of Ishbal misplaced their faith into a hollow image of singular wholeness, when it belonged to the collective wonder of humanity. He stares at the blank ceiling and pledges himself to a greater idealism in protecting the people around him and the hope they give him.

**End**


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